Going Going Goa!!

All my bags are packed, I am ready to go
I am standing here outside the door...
goes the song by John Denver. And that's exactly what they will be doing exactly 24 hrs later. The Fearsome Foursome of Wacker, Chimpzz, Oily Matter and Kadzz.

The first line is good. But the second line? Yes, they have to wait outside the door, in a long queue... for getting a place in the unreserved compartment! And where are they off to? They are off to Goa! To the Sun, Sand and the Surf! Gujju Bhai, the original Spec Ops partner of the Kadzz, has some special comments on this trip, which he will be more than happy to share.

Till 3 days back, it was the Famous Five who were to go, until the famous lady, Nirax decided to drop the plan in favour of a more adventurous trip to Sariska Wildlife reserve, in the hunt for opportunities to hunt. She decided that after Sallu's fall, it was her moral responsibility towards the law of this country to grab some black buck. In support of her cause, her company decided to host a conference with the wild animals in Sariska, but unfortunately, Nirax could only converse in langoorian. The other animals took offense, complained to the forest guard, and now Nirax is languishing in Gurgaon Dungeon.

Coming back to the home town, we see the foursome readying for their trip. We will wish them luck and wait with waited breath to hear of their exploits in the land of plenty.

NOTE: The Fearsome Foursome have decided that in honour of the Nirax lady, they will observe one whole minute of silence on Baga beach, before hitting the water.

Some awesome one liners to keep you in splits

Caught the following ones on the net a long while back but forgot where i got them from.

- Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under
- The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize

- The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large
- In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.

- When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye
- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

- It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers
- An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle

- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils

Vote for whichever you thought was the best or if you can add some of your own, go ahead!!

The Fools' Paradise

A Saturday night like never before! I still don’t believe we actually managed to have a party amidst all the deliberately created confusion by (Ch)impzz’s hyperactive grey cells (which could have given the KGB a run for their money) and Oily’s prehistoric grey cells (which forgot to obey Good ol’ Darwin).

At Bloo Bark, Wacker showed me to Oily and (Ch)impzz as if I were a museum artifact. But he was only trying to allay their suspicion. But alas, the two were too influenced by a long session of MTV Bakra.

Anyways, party starts at Hawaiian Outback, and in comes Kappa, dragging himself along after a day of Ahmedabad - Mumbai Central – Churchgate – Lower Parel – Churchgate – Mahim – Bandra (only to be followed by Bandra – Andheri). So I, Wacker, B3, Nirax and Kappa are partying and wondering where the hell were the other guys. Finally they turn up, and after hearing their explanation, we didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry!

Wacker was the start attraction at Hawaiian outback, where a guy (read gay) fell in love with Wacker and his oh-so-long-and-silky tresses. The two gay-some quickly exchanged cell numbers. Please to be noting that Mee suuu was in the Dalhi and Wacker was free to flirt around. But the best he could do was find a GUY..!!!!

After the drunken revelry at the outback, all of us managed to squeeze into one lousy cab, and headed to the Bastion of Fools (read I-420). Still in the mood of partying, Wacker starts making drinks for everyone. Now Jappo joins Kadzz, Kappa, Nirax, B3, Gymbie, Salary, (Ch)impzz, Oily, Kappa in the revelry. Kadzz is sloshed, so is Kappa, B3, and Salary. Meanwhile Salary gets hold of some green undergrowth and starts flying.

All sense of time and noise is lost. Cut to circa 3.30 am , April 2, 2006. Gymbie and B3 leave for their abode. Nirax, feeling unwell is escorted by (Ch)impzz back to her place. Wacker and I decide to put Iron Maiden. It goes… Fear of the Dark, Fear of the dark, I’ve a constant fear that something’s always near! And near it was! Suddenly the bell rings, and before we could say ‘Pandu’ a bunch of 4 light sabre weilding aliens crash the party. They take a round of the house and luckily there are no power puff girls inside. Oily and Salary are rolling around in the bedroom, again luckily hidden by a pillow.

So down the stairs and out the gate we parade behind the aliens, Kadzz (in the local dialect) and Wacker (in the national dialect) trying to negotiate freedom. Out of the gate, we see the mothership of these aliens. Wacker and Kadzz trying harder now to avoid entering the mothership. And then comes Oily walking (strolling) straight into the mothership. All this while, Jappo’s life is flashing in front of his eyes. There was no escape now, and we all reluctantly get into the mothership. The aliens start taking down the names for the sacrifice, only to realize that all of these earthlings are 24 years old, and are ‘Angrezz’. There’s sudden silence in the mothership when one of the lesser aliens quotes Rs 1200 / earthling as the price to freedom. Silence! And in the silence one solitary voice speaks out… “Which Indian City are you From??” (Kappa to Jappo, unknowing all this time that Jappo is actually from Japan, and not from some vague ‘Indian’ city). Wacker and Kadzz, again negotiate, and the price drops to 3000 total. We agree, and the aliens drive us to the ATM as a gesture of the new bond of friendship. Kadzz goes to ATM, and in the mean time, Wacker charms one of those alien beings with his oh-so-long-and-silky tresses and exchanges private numbers (two in one night!!), and the ransom comes down to 2000. Plus a coffee sponsored by the mothership.

Cut to scene I-420. (Ch)impzz comes home to find the place abandoned in a hurry. He finishes whatever is left in the glasses and transmits an sms signal to wacker, who replies ‘aliens’. Still under the influence of a heavy dose of Bakra, (Ch)impzz thinks that Oily has crossed over to the other side, and everyone is now pulling a fast one on him. So he calls Gymbie, who denies any knowledge of the earthlings’ whereabouts. Still skeptical, (Ch)impzz walks to Boing Boing, only to find that the earthlings and aliens have forged a bond of friendship and are happily chatting away over a cup of coffee.

We do a ‘beam me up Scotty’ to reach the bastion, and Kadzz loses all sense of Space and Time. So have to leave the latter part to someone else.

In the end I declare by the power invested in me (by the aliens) that the two fools be renamed permanently on this blog. Chimpzz and Varun the Oily Matter!!!

And Nirax lights another candle

After Kaddz birthday last week, Nirax is not one to be left behind. She immediately decided to celebrate her birthday this week - bigger and better. So all you junta can wish Nirax today on her birthday - its has taken her 50 long years to turn 15. Finally.

Fiscal 06-07 starts with a bang. I-420 ka VA(A)T laggax !!

Yesterday was the day all of us celebrated our birthdays. We are special, so special that most countries recognize the auspicious day - the start of a brand new P&L and the commemoration of Fools worldwide!

Ok, so this one is for all you CAT aspirants out there. Read below for the clues:

• Wacker communicates that party rendezvous is the Hawaiian Outback to Messrs (read Messers - kind of messing around) me and Oily. (Circa 2006 AD, April 1st, 7 pm)
• Kaddz at a change in temporal coordinates communicates party rendezvous is Shouters to Messrs: Oily and me via cellular connections. (Circa 2006 AD, April 1st, 7:00:30 pm)
• Nirax is mum ... no, no she is yet to get married ... Mum here means silent. (All circa)
• Bong-bang-babe sends a short messaging service missive to Gymbee intimating her inability to attend the do at the Hawaaian outback. (Circa 2006 AD, April 1st, 21.45 pm)
• Gujju bhai doesnt know any of this as he is busying trying to appear un-gujju to british chicklets. (Circa doesnt matter, different time zone)
• Salary saunters into the Bloo Bark restaurant at 10.30 pm to ask Oily and me "whats the story?" (For salary, no circa, only Circus)
• A-butt and angelina come to the party at 10.30 pm in terms of adding to the planning complexity. They finally dont come to the actual party.
• Wacker is a fluent liar.
• I am pathologically suspicious of Wacker, especially on our birthdays.
• Meesoo leaves for Delhi.
• Kapil the journo arrives on the scene.
• Gymbee takes ages to finish her daily quota of hay with a single response to all questions asked such as "when are you coming?", Answer : " Coming there in 15 minutes)
• Wacker tells Gymbee earlier in the day that the do is happening at Chota Engama.
• Gymbee is suspicious of Oily and Me.
• Oily and Me don our thinking caps and plan counter-action measures against the Wacker and the Kaddz
• Wacker, Kaddz and Nirax leave in an auto.
• Gymbee , Salary, Oily and I go to Chota Engama and leave in 15 minutes after having comprehensively determined that Wacker and Co are not there as either customers or Waiters.
• Once again, its April 1st.

So the questions:

1) Was there a party in the first place?

2) If yes, where all did it happen and who were the party goers?

3) Did A-butt wear the same bra as he did the previous time when the last blog on him was written?

4) Does Gymbee know that Wacker was planning a spoof on Kaddz with help from Gujju bhai in consultation with Nirax directly in cahoots with Oily and I so as to ensure Salary does not know that A-butt and Angelina have already told Kaddz that Wacker is spoofing Gymbee?

ANSWER THE 4 QUESTIONS CORRECTLY AND WIN EXCITING PRIZES SUCH AS

- Wackers follical remnants from his escapades down under (really down and really really under) under the scalpel.

- Serenade by Me, my guitar and Irene.

- Workout day with Gymbee with a bonus course on "How to make mincemeat of your prince charming in 30 seconds!" Satisfaction guaranteed else ask for full refund within 30 days!!

P.S: If you are hot and single and follow under either categories of Chicks or Chicklets, please let Me know. We can plan to have coffee by mutual arrangement.